Do You Have a Good Relationship with Money?

Welcome to The Finance Gym Action Plan for a Better Life with Money video series.

My name is Stacey Powell and if you’re ready to not just know better but do better with your money, then you’ve come to the right place.

And I'm really excited about today's video and the next few videos that are rolling out over the next two weeks. They're all about our relationship with money.

I'm an accountant, so I'm a huge believer that you can't just magically change your money mindset, and everything's magically going to be okay, like a lot of guru's say. You've got to do the work. You've got to roll up your sleeves; you've got to actually put money in a savings account. You actually have to pay down your debt. There's all this droll, boring, technical stuff you have to do. But, where I differ from a lot of accountants is that the money mindset piece, I think it's half the equation.

Part of what's wrong with money in this society is that we don't talk about it. I call it the big scary. Oh my gosh, do not make me talk about what's wrong with my money, about my debt. Admit to other people that I'm frustrated. Admit to other people that I've had points in my life that I couldn't put $5 of gas in my tank. We also don't like to brag about our money wins because that's just not done. So we end up not talking about money at all which is a huge mistake.

Back in 2008 when everything came crashing down, it was a horrible time. I know for some of you, it was a really horrible time. You might have lost your house. You might have had some family, friend that lost their house. Everybody knew somebody that was on the brink of losing their house or lost their house.

All of a sudden, keeping up with the Jones … We could see driving down our streets that a bunch of the Jones, there was nothing to keep up with because they were not on solid ground to begin with. They might have had a shiny new car. They might have gone to Europe on vacation. But the truth is, they were underwater in their house, and, unfortunately, lost it. It was a horrible time.

The silver lining? We started talking about real money issues, together. Together with friends, family our nation, the media. And I think there was a lot of benefit from that. It gets us out of our own head and working as a community together.

So my big point of today's video is, talk about your money with your kids, your family, your parents, your friends, your mentors. Get a financial coach. We've got great financial coaches at CreatingAnswers.com. Join a money Mastermind group, which we have at TheFinanceGym.com.

If you really want to impact change in your money find someone to talk to. Join a group. Get a coach. Make a difference with your money. And if you're really, really struggling, and you don't have any money, I have some free stuff to help you too.

Subscribe to these videos below. Come to Facebook we have a group called Team Do Better where we talk about money on a weekly basis, join there; it's free. You can sign up for our free newsletter at TheFinanceGym.com. And whatever you do what I will leave you with is, find somebody to talk to about your money. Don't be scared. It won't kill you, it will help you. Have a great day.

Money and Sex: Normalizing the Conversation

When I was a teenager, I remember closing myself off in my bedroom to listen to Dr. Ruth’s pioneering radio show on sex. No one talked about such things! It was shocking. And somehow, normalizing. There were real people, getting on the phone, asking questions and admitting that they had questions and uncertainties. Wow, me too! I learned a lot from Dr. Ruth and from all of the callers.

Money and sex are a lot alike. No one talks about money. No one wants to admit their uncertainties. Most people feel they should know so much more, that their money situation could be so much better and that they are the only ones. But as with listening to Dr. Ruth, once you spend some time listening to your peers about how they feel about money, you feel some relief. “I’m not the only one.”

As a financial coach, I’ve experienced over and over new clients walking in and before the end of their first session, grabbing the Kleenex box. Talking about your money is cathartic as well as motivating and clarifying. But wow, is it hard and scary. I’m not sure why it is that we’re so fearful. It’s as if something is going to break if we tell someone else how much debt we have, how much we earn or how much we have (or don’t have) set aside for retirement. It’s a shared fear for most of us.

And if telling a financial professional isn’t scary enough, can you imagine what it would be like to tell an entire group? I’ve led countless mastermind groups through the process and it’s always so interesting and inspiring to watch everyone’s financial growth as they first admit to something they don’t know and then share some truth about their finances.  I think it must feel a little like I felt as a teenager, closing my door and listening to people talk about something I never thought I’d get to hear them talk about. I think a lot of people who’ve joined a Finance Boot Camp must think “Wow, me too!”

Here are some of my favorite strategies and resources to help you normalize the money conversation:

• Join a support group: we of course love Finance Gym’s Finance Boot Camps, but Debtors Anonymous is a good option too.
• Take a class: Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University groups have been successful for many or look into your local learning center for classes on investing and other financial topics.
• Find someone to talk to: we of course love Creating Answers’ financial coaching, but there are also excellent professionals trained in financial recovery counseling, and CFPs who prioritize money conversations over charts and graphs.
• Set a “Date Night with Your Finances:” ask someone you respect to mentor you by joining you once a month to talk about your money.
• If you’re married, set a “Date Night with Your Finances” with your spouse. Once a month set a date, get out of the house, go somewhere special and talk about your money. Not the nagging “why did you buy this?” conversation, but the supportive “these are my hopes and dreams and fears” conversation.

And if you just can’t bring yourself to talk to other live people then take your radio into your bedroom, shut the door, and listen to a radio show on money.

-Stacey Powell

Finance Gym offers personal finance coaching in professionally facilitated peer-advisory groups. 

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